STABILISE

Disclaimer: It is important to note that STABILISE is a work in progress operated by an educated woman with lived experience with bipolar disorder and computer scientists interested in improving access to practical knowledge, medical professionals, and crisis responders. We are building a mobile application that is designed to track moods and analyse text so help can be provided sooner. For medical advice, please consult your family doctor or a trusted health care practitioner. If you believe you are in need of immediate medical assistance and live in North America, call 911. Otherwise, please reach out to the Lifeline at 988 (by phone or text).

Tag: health

  • On Embodiment of Self

    On Embodiment of Self

    When I use the term embodiment, I am referring to the process in which an individual returns to and inhabits their body. It could be interpreted as grounding in the sense that it symbolizes the process in which a person recognizes their physical presence in the world.

    It is a vivid internal awareness of one’s body inhabiting time and space.

    I go for periods at a time feeling disconnected from my earthly body. It’s often caused by slipping away from a routine, overstimulation through consumption of information, and allowing myself to be paralyzed by various insecurities.

    I’m going to be honest:

    The digital world, at least social media, does not come easy for me.

    I often live inside my head. Philosophy is quite cerebral, as is reading, psychology, mental health, and so on and so forth. It takes a lot for me to venture out of the safety net of my brain’s capacity to store information.

    It takes a lot for me to approach my body.

    I don’t mean physical exercise in the form of cardio and lifting weights. I mean, mirror work. I’ve struggled with my reflection for as long as I can remember. I used to turn away from every mirror I could, electing to memorize the curves of my body and face so I didn’t have to look at them.

    I still do that sometimes, but this week, something different happened. I was recording a video with my supervisor for a business venture. Given the serious nature of our work, I took the time to observe myself speak and move and look directly into the camera.

    As it turns out, I am not a mutant spaceship alien, and if I am, I give the impression of appearing human very well.

    I went home. I cooked. I stepped into my studio office space, set up my phone, and took one video after another of myself talking. I watched the way my eyes move, floating from here to there as I located the words that fit the meaning of what I was trying to say.

    It was humbling and beautiful to see my imperfect self growing more comfortable as time went on. I noticed the curve of my neck, the place where my glasses settle, how I tend to smile from one corner of my mouth.

    It was a powerful experience and a lesson on what it means to seek embodiment.

  • On Asking Hard Questions

    On Asking Hard Questions

    How much responsibility can be allocated to an AI chatbot for monitoring someone’s mental health?

    That’s a hard question — a tricky puzzle because it involves a few important factors.

    Let’s say someone is wondering if they are exhibiting signs of depression or mania. They could ask someone in their life to pay attention to their moods and behaviors, they could consult a medical professional, and they could monitor their own moods and behaviors.

    Self-monitoring is a crucial skill to learn.

    The first step is awareness.

    Do you know where you are?

    This is your breath, the part of you that anchors you to earth right now. Not the past, not the future, this moment, the one with features that can be measured.

    One of the reasons why writing is considered to be as therapeutic as it is is because it is a grounding exercise.

    It roots the person in the now, a blank page offering the space needed to express whatever it is the person wants to express.

    The benefit of an AI chatbot, especially one that is well-designed, is that it can serve as a sounding board for ideas, thoughts, and concepts. It can also pinpoint language that indicates professional help may be beneficial.

    Self-monitoring is a crucial skill to learn because the self-observation process ideally helps build recognition of recurring moods and patterns. It also encourages the person to adopt a wide variety of strategies designed to improve one’s mental health. The trick is to learn how to utilize each of them at optimal times.

    I speculate that learning what optimal times means is different for everyone. But on a surface level, it seems as though it would be helpful for people to have an alarm system of sorts. It’s one thing to write that you are feeling depressed, another to have an objective party state that you have expressed feelings of depression for the past three weeks, your steps count has decreased, your heart has not engaged in the same sort of activity for days, and you exhibit signs of social isolation.

    Does it seem disingenuous for personal data to be interpreted and presented by a machine?

    Hard questions, especially when AI hallucinates. The other day, it counted the number of words wrong. Not by a couple of digits, but a couple thousand.

    There is a need for diligence, streamlining, creating spaces for resources that maybe weren’t known before.

    It all becomes very important — the details, I mean.

  • On the Sidelines

    On the Sidelines

    I have been investing a significant amount of thought in my Statement of Interest for grad school applications.

    One version of the truth is that I realized how ill-equipped I was to speak about mental health while building STABILISE without credentials.

    The thing about getting a Masters, specifically in Philosophy, is that it involves specialization. Mental health is a serious concern. It is one thing to read books in your spare time about a specific topic, a complete other to satisfy the requirements that a degree necessitates.

    There are intricacies in the human mind — trip switches and trauma hazards, all of which should be treated with care and applied practical knowledge.

    For instance, I learned about the anterior insula yesterday after reading a Stanford study about a potential cause in the brain for psychosis. The study showed that for those with a rare genetic disease and those who experience psychosis with unknown origin, the anterior insula is responsible for filtering important information about subjective feelings.

    There is a key relationship between the anterior insula and the ventral striatum, which plays a role in reward processing and brings to mind dopamine. This would make sense when considering how antipsychotic drugs, like Abilify, are meant to balance dopamine and serotonin.

    If the anterior insula belongs to the network responsible for interpreting and allocating importance to thoughts and subjective feelings, there is a certain sense of wonder as to why certain falsifiable thoughts pass through and motivate reward-seeking behaviour.

    Is it because those falsifiable thoughts are linked to an adverse childhood experience or event of similar importance? Did substance use have something to do with it? Is there no relation whatsoever and simply a misfiring and mistaken rewiring of a neural pathway in the brain? There is room for error, a probabilistic necessity.

    I am applying to grad school because I enjoy thinking about the relationship between philosophy and psychiatry.

    I wonder if Nesse is right and depression is adaptive because it helps moderate one’s expectations with the world. I wonder if psychosis is adaptive too, and what that adaptive nature would be like written out in the form of a thesis. I know my first impulse is to mention art — not strictly in reference to what can be created with canvas, paint, or material, but expansive enough to include the proof of a theorem.

    Stanford Study: https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2024/04/brain-systems-psychosis.html

  • On Tufts

    On Tufts

    I was able to move on from Chapter 6 of Randolph Nesse’s book, Good Reasons for Bad Feelings. Near the end of Chapter 7, he writes,

    “Patients with depression feel like they are sinking on a small tuft, fearful, often for good reason, of taking that first step into the muck. Leaving a job or marriage with no place else to go can make things worse. Much of the work of therapy is to help people get up the courage to make changes and to help them see other little tufts of grass on the way to higher ground” (135).

    It may be the shifting of the seasons, but I can sense that some part of me is sinking on a small tuft.

    For me, depression is not an anvil on the chest or a cloud of darkness. It is the paralysis of inaction. It is participating in a team-building exercise directed towards acknowledging strengths and not being able to name a single one of mine.

    Nesse goes on to write,

    “Depression is caused by the situation, the view of the situation, and the brain. Treatment can change the situation, the view of the situation, and the brain. However, all three interact in tangled webs of causes, so addressing only one of them will miss many treatment possibilities” (136).

    While sinking on one tuft, it can be simple to narrow focus on the muck. How cold, drab, and gross! A significant part of cognitive restructuring involves being able to perceive a situation from different angles. Sure, this tuft here is sinking, but there is another tuft of grass there. One tuft to another forms rungs on a ladder until there’s stable ground.

    Sometimes the next tuft is gratitude. I mean, sometimes it’s the ability to look at the sky or breathe. Maybe that’s why breathwork is often cited as a useful tool. When there is nothing else, there is the capacity to fill one’s lungs.

    Release before expansion, expansion after release.

    One of my own personal obstacles is wanting to climb an entire mountain in a single swoop. While building STABILISE, our virtual journal and mood tracker, I have been encouraged to learn that small steps lead the way.

    Sure, there may be nicks and tears, but we are closer than we have ever been.

    A fascinating component of Nesse’s work is how often he stresses the depression that accompanies pursuing an “unreachable goal.” Writing the sample paper for grad school and building an application are not unreachable goals. What may be unreachable is thinking either could be done without faltering.

    Sometimes it really is about the moments where you’re stuck, where you’re convinced that you couldn’t possibly know what to do next. So, you read another page or two, you let your ideas simmer, and you make the decision to try again tomorrow.

  • On Shifting Paradigms

    Yesterday, I came across Thomas Szasz’s 1960 essay, The Myth of Mental Illness, which struck me as one of the most profound papers I have ever had the good fortune to read.

    In his essay, Szasz asks a profound question:

    Do you have a mental illness or do you have a problem with living?

    At the risk of sounding foolish, I had not considered that line of inquiry until I read his work.

    As I sift through Threads, I notice how many users are struggling with mental health concerns. One user went so far as to say that being diagnosed with a mental illness felt like the end of the world.

    I can relate.

    When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it felt as though I had been negated by its symptoms. Suddenly, my passion became mania and my sadness became depression. I felt labeled, misunderstood, and also a perverse sense of satisfaction that I could finally name what was happening in my mind.

    Reading Szasz’s essay reminds me that I have the freedom to shift my emotional and mental paradigms. He encourages me to think about how being diagnosed with a mental illness can cause the one who has received the diagnosis to form a mental and emotional construct defined by the DSM-V.

    This construct alone is reductive and simplistic.

    When he writes there are “stresses and strains inherent in the social intercourse of complex human personalities,” Szasz is elucidating on the concept that living among other human beings is hard. Maybe not is, but can be understood as such.

    Szasz goes on to write, “the concept of illness, whether bodily or mental, implies deviation from some clearly defined norm.” The question that follows: Who defines the norm?

    I don’t have any answers at the moment. I just appreciate how he presents fascinating questions that encourage continued thought and research.

  • On Building Stabilise

    In her book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou writes,

    “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

    Years ago, I began to think about what I wanted my life to mean. By mean, I was searching for a purpose, a grand narrative that was ethical and forward-thinking. I was working at a flower shop at the time. Although it was soothing to be around beauty on a daily basis, I felt an internal lurch to alter the course of my life.

    At first, I wanted to build a physical safe space, a real place where people could feel free to be themselves. For that, I considered returning to school for an MA in Social Work or Psychology. I ended up studying Social Service Work at Seneca Polytechnic, an institution that was instrumental in teaching me how to approach myself and others better.

    I was mentally ill when I began my studies. There were clear symptoms of psychosis – voices in my mind and the belief that I was being tracked and monitored by governmental forces. Once, I threw out every identification document I had: birth certificate, passport, drivers license, and bank card. I was trying to prove to the voices in my mind that I was not going to run away from Canada, that I was strong enough to stay.

    It was startling for my mother, agonizing for me. It was only when I reached out to a highly esteemed university professor that I realized something was deeply wrong. He advised me to seek medical attention for the delusions and hallucinations I was experiencing. By calling them what they were, I was able to seek help. Attending Seneca was beneficial because they offered immediate access to a psychiatrist and social worker. I spoke with a female psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and prescribed an antipsychotic medication. With time, the voices stopped and I was able to live a relatively normal life.

    While recovering, it occurred to me that I could build a digital safe space instead, an application where people are offered access to a mood tracking feature and interactive virtual journal. The reason why it is beneficial to include AI is because it can be designed to look out for warning signs (disorganized thinking, delusions, hallucinations, suicidal ideation, etc.). It also offers users a chance to speak openly and not be afraid of judgment in a private space. It is not meant to be a replacement for a medical professional, but a guide on when a user may benefit from seeking real professional resources.

    Stabilise is a passion project led by real individuals – experienced computer scientists and a woman who graduated with a BA Honours in Philosophy and a diploma with Honours in Social Service Work. We are not medical professionals, but we are people who care deeply about improving mental health and access to knowledge. I look forward to continuing my education, both academically and professionally. I also look forward to sharing my learning experience with all of you.