On Tufts

I was able to move on from Chapter 6 of Randolph Nesse’s book, Good Reasons for Bad Feelings. Near the end of Chapter 7, he writes,

“Patients with depression feel like they are sinking on a small tuft, fearful, often for good reason, of taking that first step into the muck. Leaving a job or marriage with no place else to go can make things worse. Much of the work of therapy is to help people get up the courage to make changes and to help them see other little tufts of grass on the way to higher ground” (135).

It may be the shifting of the seasons, but I can sense that some part of me is sinking on a small tuft.

For me, depression is not an anvil on the chest or a cloud of darkness. It is the paralysis of inaction. It is participating in a team-building exercise directed towards acknowledging strengths and not being able to name a single one of mine.

Nesse goes on to write,

“Depression is caused by the situation, the view of the situation, and the brain. Treatment can change the situation, the view of the situation, and the brain. However, all three interact in tangled webs of causes, so addressing only one of them will miss many treatment possibilities” (136).

While sinking on one tuft, it can be simple to narrow focus on the muck. How cold, drab, and gross! A significant part of cognitive restructuring involves being able to perceive a situation from different angles. Sure, this tuft here is sinking, but there is another tuft of grass there. One tuft to another forms rungs on a ladder until there’s stable ground.

Sometimes the next tuft is gratitude. I mean, sometimes it’s the ability to look at the sky or breathe. Maybe that’s why breathwork is often cited as a useful tool. When there is nothing else, there is the capacity to fill one’s lungs.

Release before expansion, expansion after release.

One of my own personal obstacles is wanting to climb an entire mountain in a single swoop. While building STABILISE, our virtual journal and mood tracker, I have been encouraged to learn that small steps lead the way.

Sure, there may be nicks and tears, but we are closer than we have ever been.

A fascinating component of Nesse’s work is how often he stresses the depression that accompanies pursuing an “unreachable goal.” Writing the sample paper for grad school and building an application are not unreachable goals. What may be unreachable is thinking either could be done without faltering.

Sometimes it really is about the moments where you’re stuck, where you’re convinced that you couldn’t possibly know what to do next. So, you read another page or two, you let your ideas simmer, and you make the decision to try again tomorrow.